Frequently Asked Questions (and other Miscellaneous Information)   Written and Compiled by: Jacki Barineau, Jill Donovan, and Dana Armstrong, RD, CDE Reviewed and Approved by: Jane R. Hirschmann, M.S.W.   (NOTE: Click on individual questions to go directly to that question's answer, or click HERE to go to the first question and read the FAQ in its entirety.) How long does it take for this approach to work? If I let go of my food restrictions, won't I just eat everything in sight?! What are the stages of the OO process? How long should I work on each stage before moving to the next one? During the legalizing process, how can all foods be "equal" when foods are so different nutritionally? Will I lose weight using this approach? Can you follow the OO approach and still hold onto the desire to lose weight? How do I overcome my fear of gaining weight while using this approach? How do I let go of dieting and trying to lose weight when society is so obsessed with thinness? How can I possibly accept myself at this weight? Is "stomach hunger eating" considered better than "mouth hunger eating"? Shouldn't I force myself to follow the "demand feeding" method? How do I know if I'm turning OO into just another diet? What should I do when I have mouth hunger? How does exercise fit in with the OO approach? Is it really necessary to carry a food bag? How do you decide what to carry in a food bag? Do I really have to get rid of my scale? How do I handle the forced weigh-ins at the doctor's office? Is it really necessary for me to clean out my closet of all clothes that don't fit? How do I restock and buy new clothes on a limited budget? Do I really have to do the mirror work? Is it that important to my progress? What if my family disapproves? How do I let go of the "meal time" concept? My spouse is not very supportive and insists on "family" meals. What if my daughter has an eating/weight problem also? How does this approach work for children and teenagers? Can the OO approach apply to anorexia and bulemia? Isn't being overweight unhealthy? What if I have health problems? Can I still do the OO approach? How do I use the OO approach if I have diabetes?     Q: How long does it take for this approach to work? A: It depends on many individual factors. All the diets you've ever followed have promised you clear results, namely weight loss, within a certain time frame. Our goals are different, and we make no such specific claims. However, we can say something about what to anticipate if you start feeding yourself on demand. Your ability to use this approach will depend on where you are in your life - whether you are ready to give up the magic of dieting and do something radically different. Each compulsive eater who embarks on this approach is charting his or her own course. You will choose when to eat, what to eat, and how much to eat. Your eating will bear the stamp of your unique signature. Some people hear about this approach once, stop dieting, set up their new eating system, and break the addictive circuit within months. They may backslide occasionally; they may eat just enough to maintain their weight if they fear losing it; they may begin to lose weight or they may discover that their natural weight is not as far from their current one as they thought. In any case, they're out of the woods. But most people require more time and must relearn the concepts again and again before they are able to incorporate them in their lives. Remember that you are striving to create a new system out of an old, entrenched one. You are, in effect, struggling to CURE a problem that you thought you'd have to CONTROL forever. What everyone who takes a chance on giving up food restrictions discovers is that life can be radically different from anything they could have anticipated. Their compulsive need for food diminishes greatly, and with time and effort, it can cease altogether. The initial questions people pose about success pertain to weight loss. Before long, however, they develop new measures of progress. For a compulsive eater to live comfortably in a house well stocked with food, to binge no longer, to remain at a constant weight which, in time, may go down slowly, and to have more and more time free from obsessive thoughts about eating and weight are major accomplishments that were formerly unimaginable. Ultimately, the loss of pounds is a pleasure, a side effect and fringe benefit of the profound alteration in the quality of people's lives. Remind yourself that demand feeding is an act of self-assertion. Each time you eat from stomach hunger, you are taking care of yourself in a direct way. As you begin to do this more and more, you will feel better about yourself and increasingly able to handle the issues that confront you in life. Q: If I let go of my food restrictions, won't I just eat everything in sight?! A: This is a very common fear of people just starting the OO approach. Everyone naturally assumes that if they let go of the food restrictions that they THINK have kept them from overeating, they'll start eating and never stop! However, in reality, the food restrictions were CAUSING the overeating (binging) and by eliminating the restrictions, we can put an end to the "diet-binge cycle". Once we realize we can eat whatever we want, whenever we are hungry (either stomach or mouth), that urgent need to "eat it all NOW" diminishes greatly! To our surprise and amazement, most of us find ourselves eating much less than we previously did while trying to "control" our eating. Q: What are the stages of the OO process? How long should I work on each stage before moving to the next one? A: Overcoming Overeating involves several stages. The amount of time spent on each stage varies from person to person and should not be of concern. This is a lifetime process, and we should allow ourselves to move at our own pace - taking a few steps forward, backing up a couple of steps if necessary, etc. After spending some time with this approach, most of us find ourselves bouncing between the stages - they all start to intermingle. The best thing to do is to just follow the suggestions in the books, and be gentle with ourselves about our progress. This approach is a "cure" for compulsive eating - not a "quick fix"! We've found that the healing takes place quite naturally if we don't worry too much about it. The stages are as follows: Dumping the Diet (swearing off dieting and deprivation forever!) Self-acceptance (accepting ourselves at our current weight, as well as any future changes in our weight - weight has to become a "non-issue" in our lives that has no effect on our self-esteem or well-being.) Legalizing all foods (making all foods "equal" in our minds. No food is considered "better" or "worse" than any others. All food restrictions are lifted. Special attention usually needs to be given to former "forbidden foods" - those foods that whatever particular diet(s) we were on wouldn't allow us to have.) Demand feeding (relearning how to eat from the inside out - when our body is hungry, what it's hungry for, and stopping when it's full) Q: During the legalizing process, how can all foods be "equal" when foods are so different nutritionally? A: It's important to understand the difference between "nutritional equality" and "mental equality" when it comes to food! During the legalizing process, it is imperative that we forget about the nutritional value of foods and let go of all judgements about whether certain foods are "good for us" or "bad for us". When we say "all foods are equal" - we're talking about the way we THINK about these foods. In our minds, lettuce has to be equal to chocolate, cake has to be equal to carrots, etc.! Once we start to think this way, our BODIES will eventually tell us what foods it needs at any given time. But our MINDS have to get out of the way for this to happen! Q: Will I lose weight using this approach? A: Maybe, maybe not! Weight loss is not the goal of this approach and cannot be where our focus is. What happens with our weight will depend on our past history with dieting, how much we have damaged our metabolism, and many other factors. Those of us that start the OO approach immediately following a restrictive diet will most likely gain some weight at the beginning. But we must remember that this is weight we would have gained ANYWAY as a rebound from the diet. All diets cause "rebound eating" - when we break out of the diet and binge on all the forbidden foods. By using the OO approach, we actually may gain less weight than we would have otherwise. Once we've legalized all foods and have moved into demand feeding, some of us will start to lose weight and will eventually reach the "natural weight" for OUR bodies. However, others of us who have dieted for many years and therefore have slowed up our metabolisms, may only lose a small amount of weight - or none at all. At the very least, however, our weight should eventually stabilize somewhat. But in any event, no matter what happens with our weight, we can reap the REAL benefits of the OO approach: living free from the compulsion to eat and not being obsessed with our weight and our bodies; accepting ourselves and being at peace with ourselves - possibly for the first time in our lives; and learning that there are much better ways to spend our lives than obsessing about food and weight! Q: Can you follow the OO approach and still hold onto the desire to lose weight? A: This question comes up quite frequently in our e-mail discussion group. Though it is quite difficult to let go of the desire to lose weight, those of us who have been following this approach for quite some time have found it to be crucial to the success of the program. As long as we hold onto the desire to lose weight, we will not be able to totally legalize all foods. This will keep us stuck in the "diet mentality" and will keep us on the "diet-binge rollercoaster". We have found that the more thoroughly we legalize all foods, accept ourselves at any size, and let go of the old thoughts and behaviors that have kept us imprisoned, the faster we will make progress in the program. Letting go of the weight issue is perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of this approach, but the freedom we have found in doing so is well worth the efforts it takes! (NOTE: For more info on this subject, see the December 1996 Newsletter article entitled "The Dream of Being Thin".) Q: How do I overcome my fear of gaining weight while using this approach? A: This is also quite difficult for many of us to get past. However, it IS possible! Once we've learned to accept ourselves at any weight and make weight a "non-issue", it just simply loses its power over us and these fears diminish. Something that really helps is to realize that there's absolutely nothing we can DO about our weight (or weight gain) - we cannot go back to dieting because all dieting ever did for us was cause more weight GAIN! The only way is to move forward 100% with the OO approach and trust our bodies to reach their "natural weight" in their own time. A slogan that helps us with this is to "notice, not judge" what happens with our weight. We can take notice that our weight is changing (either up or down) and not place a judgement of "good" or "bad" on it. Once weight is no longer considered "bad", we'll no longer fear weight gain. (NOTE: For more info on this subject, see the December 1996 Newsletter article entitled "The Fear of Weight Gain".) Q: How do I let go of dieting and trying to lose weight when society is so obsessed with thinness? A: By realizing that dieting actually CAUSES compulsive eating and weight gain, we can begin to let go of it. We have been brainwashed by the diet industry to believe that diets can help us. Many of us are so accustomed to having the diets "control us", that letting go of them can be quite scary at first. But the quicker we're able to let go of dieting and weight-loss obsession, the quicker we'll be set free from compulsive eating and be able to move forward with this approach. As far as society goes, it helps us to realize that we can "buck the system" - that just because society is obsessed with appearance and thinness doesn't mean WE have to remain stuck in that trap. We can say "who says?" and take our OWN path in this life. Yes, it takes courage to do this, but with each other's support and encouragement we can succeed. Q: How can I possibly accept myself at this weight? A: As difficult as it is, let us assure you - it CAN be done! The first step is to make a firm decision that you're going to let go of your old ideas about weight, body shaping, dieting, etc. Without making this decision and commitment, you'll have a hard time really making progress in this area. There are several things you can do to move towards acceptance of your body - mirror work, closet cleaning, decoding your BBT's (bad body thoughts). All the things we do to help us feel "at home" in our bodies can really go a long way toward helping us become more accepting of ourselves. Many of us have found that using self-affirmations, such as "My body is fine just the way it is" and "Who says a smaller body is better?" can help us. Say them to yourself even if you don't mean them - eventually they will become internalized into a new belief system! Some of us found a lot of help in using the fantasy that is mentioned in the books - that our current body size suddenly has become society's "norm" as an "accepted size". If we begin to live our lives with that belief, that our body size is perfectly acceptable, amazing things can begin to happen within us! It is crucial to work towards self-acceptance, because if we're still holding onto the idea of changing our bodies, we'll never truly legalize all foods - this can be a very subconscious thing - and if we don't legalize all foods, we can't move forward with the OO process. Q: Is "stomach hunger eating" considered better than "mouth hunger eating"? A: Yes, and no! It is our ultimate goal to gradually move towards eating mostly from stomach hunger (demand feeding); however, we will all continue to experience mouth hunger occasionally (as even non-compulsive eaters do!). We have found that it's best to lovingly feed WHATEVER kind of hunger we're experiencing at any given time without laying a guilt trip on ourselves. If we make mouth hunger eating "bad", we'll start to rebel again and this will simply become a "stomach hunger diet"!! If mouth hunger and stomach hunger are considered equally "okay", and we don't struggle or fight against our mouth hunger, eventually we'll find ourselves eating from stomach hunger more often. It will happen naturally, without having to be forced. Q: Shouldn't I force myself to follow the "demand feeding" method? A: Absolutely not!! Forcing ourselves to follow demand feeding will only trigger our diet mentality and will hinder our natural progression towards demand feeding. After we've legalized all foods for a while, we can start to nudge ourselves towards demand feeding, but not force the issue. Usually, once we experience how GOOD the food tastes when we're really hungry, we'll start to NATURALLY want to eat from stomach hunger more and more! But it does not have to become a struggle, nor should it. Q: How do I know if I'm turning OO into just another diet? A: If you find yourself constantly thinking about food and struggling with the food issue, it's possible that you're turning OO into a diet. If you judge yourself by how "good" or how "bad" you're doing with your eating, you're most likely stuck in the diet mentality! You'll know you're free from this mentality if you're moving through each day without giving much thought to when you're going to eat next, what foods you "should" be eating or "shouldn't" be eating, how much weight you're gaining or losing, etc. The following excerpts from "Letting go of the Diet Frame of Mind" by Carol Coven Grannick and Judith Matz, Co-directors of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating, explain how to tell if you're turning OO into a diet: All over the country, women are working hard to end body hatred and dieting. However, as you know, the diet paradigm is embedded in our lives and requires vigilant and repeated efforts to dislodge it. One day everything is "going fine" with legalizing and demand feeding and then suddenly, "It isn't working" anymore. Usually, when this happens, we have unknowingly turned the Overcoming Overeating guidelines into a diet. We then rebel against what we now experience as rules. To find out if you are operating within a diet frame of mind, look over our basic checklist: YOU'RE IN THE DIET FRAME OF MIND IF YOU FIND YOURSELF SAYING: I have to... I should... I shouldn't... I should have... From now on I will... I was good this week... I was bad this week... It's going really well (When going well means, for example, never having any mouth hunger, as if ups and downs and hard times are not part of going well or part of following the approach.) I'm losing weight! (in a positive tone of voice) I'm gaining weight! (in a negative tone of voice) Some of the "diets" we try to turn the OO approach into: 1. The "I'M GOING TO DO THIS APPROACH PERFECTLY" Diet 2. The "I WILL BECOME MY OWN INTERNAL CARETAKER" Diet 3. The "I'M GOING TO DEMAND FEED MY CHILDREN" Diet 4. The "AS LONG AS I'M PRODUCTIVE WHO CARES WHAT I FEEL LIKE AT WORK?" Diet 5. The "I HAVE TO BE A PERFECT MOTHER" Diet Our motto is: If it feels like a rule, it's a diet! (Even if it's a rule NOT to turn Overcoming Overeating into a diet!). Remember that working hard at not dieting does not make it a diet. There's a difference between being vigilant and striving for perfection. Confusing them is a natural by-product of living in a dieting culture. Ending body hatred and dieting is not a linear or smooth road; it is filled with many interesting learning experiences. (for the full text of this article, see "Letting go of the Diet Frame of Mind" in the June 1995 Newsletter.) Q: What should I do when I have mouth hunger? A: In short, FEED IT!! After we've been legalizing all foods for some time, we may at times choose to gently nudge ourselves towards waiting for stomach hunger. Sometimes we'll choose to sit with the mouth hunger for a while and see if we can figure out what's causing it - other times, we'll simply feed it and not give it a second thought. But it's always OUR choice! Q: How does exercise fit in with the OO approach? A: The mere word "exercise" usually has some negative connotations to most of us because we've forced ourselves to exercise so many times in the past - usually as another means of trying to lose weight. Exercise can be just as bad as dieting as far as causing us to rebel and getting back into diet mentality. What we've found helpful, is to let go of "exercise" just like we let go of dieting. We sometimes find that thinking more in terms of "movement" or "play" is much better! We do not "force" any kind of movement - we listen to our bodies, just like we do with food, and do whatever makes OUR bodies feel good and only when we WANT to! Some of us enjoy going to a gym - not with the goal of weight loss, but rather for the way our bodies feel afterwards. Some of us change the word "workout" (which sounds very negative!) to "playtime". Some of us choose more playful activities - swimming, biking, dancing, sports - whatever feels GOOD to us and doesn't trigger a "have-to" way of thinking! As soon as it becomes a "have-to", we need to take a look at it and possibly make some changes. We've found that, just as we're relearning to feed ourselves on demand as we did as children, we need to return to our childhood feelings about "play" - before all the negative connotations were linked with body movement and activity. Q: Is it really necessary to carry a food bag? How do you decide what to carry in a food bag? A: The following are excerpts from "The Food Bag: Do I Really Need One?" by Carol Coven Grannick and Judith Matz, Co-directors of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating: One of the most common questions asked by people working with Overcoming Overeating is "Why do I need to carry food with me?" Let's say your cupboards are full at home and you have plenty of food in your office. Is it still necessary to have that bag of food with you at all times? The answer is an unequivocal yes! The reasons for this are twofold. First, you cannot possibly eat on demand unless you have food available to you at all times. Your goal is to respond to your hunger day in and day out and this can be accomplished only by knowing that you have the food you require to meet your needs at a moment's notice. Secondly, your bountifully filled bag is a symbol of the consistent good caretaking that you are providing for yourself. It's there to remind you that you are well taken care of and can remain calm. We live in a world that does not make it easy to attend to hunger in an attuned, natural way. Mealtimes have been organized for the convenience of the workplace, not to reflect the needs of people who listen to their stomach hunger. But imagine: You walk into that meeting, conference, class or social occasion with a food bag and, as you enter, you notice that your friends, colleagues, business clients or fellow students each have their own bags of food. Everyone is able to eat when they are hungry! Although this fantasy will take some time to become a reality, you can create this environment for yourself by carrying your food bag on a consistent basis. As foods stop glittering, you will not need the same amounts that you must initially surround yourself with as you legalize food. But you will always need and want to carry food with you. As you experience the delight of being able to eat whenever you are hungry, you will find that no matter how neutral food becomes, you would never want to be without it. Facing and exploring your obstacles to carrying a food bag and gently moving yourself to do so can have powerful results. One woman said, "My bag of shame and burden became a bag of courage and self-care." The food bag is a reminder that you are trying to feed yourself in an attuned and loving way and helps you do just that. As another woman said about her travels with a food bag, "I carry a suitcase to take care of my outside, and a food bag to take care of my inside!" At some point you won't want to leave home without it! (for the full text of this article, see "Back to Basics - The Food Bag: Do I Really Need One?" in the June 1994 Newsletter.) Q: Do I really have to get rid of my scale? How do I handle the forced weigh-ins at the doctor's office? A: Getting rid of the scale is another way of proving to ourselves that our weight will no longer hold any power over us. As long as we bow down to the great "scale god", we will still be placing too much importance on our weight. This is another area where we "buck the system" - "Who says that one weight is better than another?" "Who says that everyone who's 5'4" should weigh a certain amount?!" Letting a number on a scale affect how we feel about ourselves is something most of us have done for far too long - it's time to let it go and realize that we're okay without knowing that "number"! For some of us, we had to do this in stages - we first moved the scale into a closet somewhere. Then maybe it got moved out to the shed. Then finally we realized it could be thrown away. As far as handling weigh-ins at the doctor's office, some of us choose to speak up and refuse to be weighed (unless there's a legitimate MEDICAL reason for the doctor knowing our weight - such as medication dosage, etc.). Others will allow the weight to be taken, but we'll stand with our backs to the scale and ask not to be told the weight. Still others of us have gotten to the point that weight is such a "non-issue" that being weighed has absolutely no effect on us, so we allow it and just "notice, not judge" the weight. Surprisingly, we'll even FORGET what the scale registered from one visit to the next! It really IS possible to get to this point - where weight holds absolutely NO power over us! Q: Is it really necessary for me to clean out my closet of all clothes that don't fit? A: The following are excerpts from "Clearing out Your Closet" by Carol Coven Grannick and Judith Matz, Co-directors of the Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating: Imagine a wardrobe filled with beautiful clothes that fit your body and feel comfortable! In the past you may have felt that when you were "thin enough" you would finally deserve to buy clothes you love. However, one of the most important activities you can do to promote self acceptance is to clean our your closets and drawers of anything and everything that no longer fits. Next, begin to build a collection of clothing to suit your body at its present size Although women of all sizes feel better when they wear attractive clothes that fit their bodies, we hear many objections to closet clearing. Here are some of the obstacles and experiences women report as they work toward clearing out, and filling up, their closets: "If I get rid of the clothes that used to fit me, I feel like I am giving up the hope of ever losing weight." A familiar diet rule for many people is that looking at a small pair of jeans will motivate you to eat less and, therefore, lose weight. Yet let's think about what really happens when you see something hanging in your closet that you are no longer able to wear. How do you feel when you open the closet in the morning and can't wear an outfit because it is too tight? Chances are you feel angry, depressed or defeated. Not only is this a terrible way for millions of women to start their day, but there is a strong possibility that these uncomfortable feelings will lead you to the refrigerator to calm yourself. So, rather than providing motivation to eat less, looking at your "thinner" clothes can actually cause overeating. When you clear out your closet of clothes that don't fit, you grant yourself acceptance at the size you are now. Giving yourself permission to dress in clothing that reflects your current body shape and size says nothing about what size you will ultimately be. Furthermore, recognizing your entitlement to have a great wardrobe now paves the way to experimenting with styles and colors that are just right for you. "I spent a lot of money on clothes when I lost some weight. I feel like I'm wasting money by giving them away." It is understandable that you experience feelings such as sadness or regret as you think about putting away the clothes you recently bought. Ask yourself how you are getting your money's worth by having them hang in the closet when you cannot wear them. If you feel strongly that you do not want to give these clothes away, consider putting them in storage or giving them to someone who you know will enjoy them. While buying new clothes can be expensive, remember that you are making an investment in yourself. Of course, clothes of all sizes range in price; you will need to find stores or catalogs to match your budget. As you think about allocating money for clothing, however, think about how you prioritize your available income. Are you an equally important "piece of the pie?" Or do you allocate to yourself whatever is left over after other necessities? Those of you with families may find this a particularly helpful question. After years of yelling at yourself for not fitting into certain sizes, it is no surprise that clothes shopping may feel uncomfortable. For some of you, bad body thoughts increase noticeably as you enter the store. If you hate the thought of looking for clothes, try to be compassionate with yourself. By doing so, you will be in a better position to ward off and decode any bad body thoughts that occur during the excursion. As you work toward dressing your body at its current size, you need to make a concerted effort to stop the yelling. As with all bad body thoughts, first apologize to yourself and then try to put the thought aside. Focus on the fact that you are entitled to have clothes that fit well and that you truly enjoy wearing. At this point in the Overcoming Overeating approach, you may be cleaning out your clothes with this new attitude for the first time. Even if you cleaned out your closet earlier in your work with Overcoming Overeating, it is important to recheck your wardrobe from time to time. Are you still holding on to clothes that no longer fit? Do you have clothing that you really like? Going "back to basics" keeps your OO foundation solid and strong. (for the full text of this article, see "Back to Basics - Clearing out Your Closet" in the December 1995 Newsletter.) Q: How do I restock and buy new clothes on a limited budget? A: This is a difficult issue for many of us! We have found that we have to prioritize our spending and realize that keeping our kitchen stocked with all kinds of foods we love and having a closet with clothes we love are crucial to our progress with this approach. We may have to let go of other things for a while until we can build up our wardrobe. We can also start to purchase just a few essential clothing items that we really love and that fit us well and then build from there. It is not necessary to purchase an entire wardrobe at once. A few clothes hanging in our closets that fit OUR bodies would be much better than a closet full of clothes that don't fit!! Something else that helps is to realize that stocking up is good self-caretaking. If we had a child that needed to have lots of food around due to a medical condition, we wouldn't hesitate to find a way to fulfill that need! We need to do the same for ourselves. Q: Do I really have to do the mirror work? Is it that important to my progress? A: We've found that by faithfully doing the mirror work, we can start to make peace with our bodies - to "own" them, so to speak. Many of us have gotten into the habit of only looking at our faces in the mirror - and are shocked any time we see our full reflection by accident! The goal is to get to the point where ALL of our body looks "familiar" to us. Some of us have found that thinking of this as "mirror PLAY" instead of "mirror work" makes this much easier! We look at our reflections through our childhood eyes - before we were told our bodies weren't "okay". We jiggle our flab and make faces at ourselves and ENJOY our bodies - laughing and smiling, as we did when we were children who were just getting to know our bodies. We can go back to that time and get to know our bodies all over again, and realize that they're OKAY just as they are. Q: What if my family disapproves? A: This is always hard to deal with. Not too long after you asked your kids to hide their Halloween candy because you found it too tempting, you arrive home with three bags of Milky Ways. "Hey, Mom," your nine-year-old says, "I thought you didn't want to be fat." Your husband walks into the kitchen and finds you eating a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. "What's up, honey?" he asks. "You spent months starving yourself. Do you want to undo all your hard work?" Your family loves you. They care about your well-being, and they say these things out of their concern for you. They have listened to you for years, and they've learned their lessons well. You have enlisted their help with regard to your weight. They know, better than anyone, how much you hate your body. They have watched you run the paces of the diet race over the years. And they've heard you scold yourself during the binge cycle. It makes perfect sense for your family to cheer you on as you play Change Your Shape and Change Your Life. They do, after all, have your best interests at heart. They, like you, are concerned that your weight will skyrocket if you don't exercise restraint. How do you enlist their support as you attempt to learn, for the first time, to feed yourself? For starters, you'll need to reeducate them as you reeducate yourself. Before you bring the food into your house, you have to prepare your family. One woman did it this way. She said, "I know that I have counted on you to help me resist certain foods, but I now see that trying to resist food only makes me want it more. I want to get over my fear of food and learn to eat in a less driven way. It may seem crazy to you, but I've decided to lift all my food bans. I'm not sure what will happen, but I've got to break away from all the dieting I've always done. I still need your help and support but in a different way. This time I need you to stop monitoring me. I know that what I'm about to do will seem bizarre and probably upset you. All I ask is that you try to understand. It won't be easy for you not to comment, but if you slip, I'll remind you." It will probably help if you ask family members to read the books, "Overcoming Overeating" and "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies", as well as this web site. It will probably be as hard for them to accept our ideas as it was for you, however, so don't be surprised or annoyed if they don't offer you a lot of support initially. Keep in mind that, in a sense, you are separating yourself from them. After years of looking to others for rules and guidance regarding what you eat, you are announcing that you plan to go it alone. The people closest to you are likely to feel rejected before they can move on to a new kind of support. It is useful to look for ways to reassure family members that they need not lose out because you are meeting your own needs. Q: How do I let go of the "meal time" concept? My spouse is not very supportive and insists on "family" meals. A: When we're beginning to reconnect our eating to our stomach hunger, it is important to let go of "meal time" as a concept. This is simply an "external rule" about when we should eat and has nothing to do with when our BODIES need fuel! It helps to think in terms of "eating experiences" instead of "meal times". We make a conscious effort to let go of eating by the clock, and instead eat when our "internal" cues tell us to. Though it's best if the whole family can be supportive of this and even follow it themselves, if we have spouses that insist on everyone sitting down at the table together, there are a few choices we can make. If we're hungry, we can eat of course! If we're not hungry, we can possibly sit at the table and just have something to drink - joining in the family conversation - and then eating later when we become hungry. Or, we can sometimes choose to go ahead and eat a token amount with the family and then eating more later when our hunger kicks in. However, if by not eating with everyone else, we would feel deprived, another choice would be to go ahead and eat with the family even though we're not hungry. Many of us start to learn how to time our hunger so we WILL be hungry when the rest of the family usually eats. The bottom line is that there are NO RULES! Whatever we choose to do at any given time is what's best for US. Sometimes we may choose one way - sometimes another. We can experiment to see what feels best to us. Q: What if my daughter has an eating/weight problem also? A: We live in a world in which women are devalued and are seen as "less than." For most women, food and body preoccupations are the ways in which we express our discomfort with being second class citizens. Therefore, it is very hard to separate our own struggles from those of our daughters. We are part of a system that teaches women to body shape rather than world shape. So, what do you do when your daughter says, "I'm too fat?" You've said the same thing thousands of times. Now it's time to share your new perspective. You can tell her that each time you've accused yourself of being too fat, you have felt miserable, depressed, powerless and susceptible to a $40 billion diet industry ready to exploit your discontent with your body and your eating. Enough!! You can go on and tell her that women are banding together, here and abroad, to declare an end to body bashing and dieting. As difficult as it is, saying "NO" to body hatred is a crucial step in freeing yourself, your daughter and women. Why keep silent about your process? On the contrary, your new position needs to be aired until it becomes a natural process. Let's question our body contempt by asking, "Who says we can't be beautiful and healthy at any size? Why should one size fit all? What an absurd notion. Variety is the spice of life. Let's enjoy our whatever sized bodies and let's make food a friend, not a foe to run from all of our lives. We have much better things to do in our lives than scream about what we look like and what we eat. Let's focus on what's really important." That's what we think you can begin to say to your daughter and her daughter and to all the daughters after that. Q: How does this approach work for children and teenagers? A: In much the same way as it does for adults! The very same concepts can be applied to children and teenagers - legalizing all foods, letting go of body hatred, demand feeding. In a child, the question "Are you hungry?" is very important to start asking at as young an age as possible. Allow a child to keep their stomach-hunger connected with eating - do not start applying "rules" to a child's eating. Their natural internal hunger and fullness cues will continue to function as long as we don't interfere by imposing external rules! For more information on this subject, please see the book "Preventing Childhood Eating Problems" by Jane Hirschmann and Lela Zaphiropoulos. Q: Can the OO approach apply to anorexia and bulemia? A: Women with anorexia and bulemia have issues with food and body acceptance. We need to move beyond the narrow conception of "overeating" and understand that the core issue is acceptance of women's bodies in all our glorious variety. Fear of overeating, fear of fat (issues for women with either of these conditions) are certainly within the scope of The Women's Campaign to End Body Hatred and Dieting. The following excerpt was taken from "The Long and Winding Road" by Carol Munter and Jane Hirschmann (June 1995 Newsletter): As the discussion at the Denver speakout proceeded, a woman jumped up and said she had to speak. She told us that she'd been severely anorectic for many years and that not long ago, her husband had had a serious talk with her about how she needed to make a decision about living or dying. She made her decision. She went to the store and bought many, many boxes of Hostess Twinkies. She stocked the house, stocked the office; she ate as many as she pleased and offered them to everyone around her. She told us that she's an incest survivor and that, as a child, she'd eaten Twinkies after the incidents of sexual molestation. Twinkies used to be her solace; now they're her declaration of survival. For years, this woman thought that eating Twinkies was a bad thing and felt guilty about it. Of course, now she understands that a really bad thing happened to her for which she bears no guilt or responsibility. Q: Isn't being overweight unhealthy? A: This question comes up quite often. In many people, cholesterol levels respond to changes in diet and exercise. The question is: Are you able to diet successfully? In our experience, compulsive eaters respond to any dietary restrictions in the way they have always responded to diets: they conform for awhile and then, they rebel. If however, through demand feeding, a compulsive eater gets to a point where she is using food as a fuel rather than a tranquilizer, the chances are that, in the process, her overall diet has changed a great deal and she is eating a wide variety of foods, none of them in great quantity. If at this point, for health reasons, she thinks that her food choices could use some evaluation, she has several options. She can focus on her matchmaking to see if her choices are truly consonant with what her body seems to crave. She can also begin to experiment with adding and subtracting different foods from her repertoire. As a no-longer compulsive eater, it is possible to decide to eat in one way or another and not have it be a deprivation, i.e., a diet. We know many demand feeders who, for one reason or another, have eliminated certain foods from their routine. They are able to do so because as reliable self-caretakers, they are dedicated to making themselves feel as good as possible. They also know that they will never deprive themselves of any food if they truly want and/or need it. Q: What if I have health problems? Can I still do the OO approach? A: (provided by Dana Armstrong, RD, CDE) Health is defined as the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit; the freedom from physical disease or pain. It is NOT defined as thin, or with the absence of fat, and it does not reference the height and weight tables as a way to confirm one's level of health. It has been the experience of our medical group that it is possible for people with health concerns to follow the OO approach instead of resorting to rigid diet restrictions. These restrictions contribute to compulsive eating through the strict control of the content and timing of meals. Furthermore, the medical professional's pursuit to manipulate and structure an individual's intake leads to guilt, missed appointments, falsification of food and other records, weight fluctuations, and binge eating. Diets don't work, and the use of diets in treating people with diet sensitive diseases are not without exception. There are many conditions that are falsely blamed on fat - diabetes, hypertension (high blood pressure), hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol or triglycerides), heel spurs, back pain, knee pain, breathing problems - you name it... if you lost weight, you've been told it would go away. Well, many people get diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, heel spurs,back pain, knee pain, breathing problems... and MANY of them are thin or within a weight that our culture has determined as "normal." Rest assured,when a thin person presents with a "medical condition," they are not told to lose weight. The medical issue is the focus and appropriate therapy is begun. They are given the medications to assist their body, are referred to specialists for physical therapy, nutrition education, or evaluations for fitness, flexibility and strength. They are fitted for supports for back, knees and feet and evaluated for surgery to repair or replace worn out parts. Their complaints are heard as real and valid and not passed off to one's size. If a large person presents with a "medical condition," weight is automatically presumed to be a cause or contributing factor. The medical focus often becomes the person's size, and treatment for the diagnosis of diabetes, et. al, takes a secondary position. When a person of size is then told to lose weight as a "medical treatment," they will try, but failure is inevitable. The patient already knows, through life experience, that staying on a diet is improbable. Furthermore, when weight loss is part of the treatment plan for the disease, and weight is not lost, the management of the disease seems impossible. The person feels guilt and shame for being unable to control the disease, so long as the medical professional identifies weight as determinative of the disease. They blame themselves for failure to lose weight, to control a factor that a medical professional has labeled as important, critical, determinative, connected... The professional is then able to blame the patient for "failing" to improve or control the disease. After all, the patient did not heed the medical advice to lose weight... To blame the patient shifts the focus from the disease to the patient's ability, willingness, lack of discipline - to help themselves and thus help control the disease process. This is the traditional model of handling disease management for a large person. Diets can't cure, can't control the outcome of a disease process. Instead, you need to request that your medical team treat you just the same as a normal weight individual. When you are told that all would be well if you just lost weight, ask the medical professional if they have ever treated or heard about anyone else with your same condition that was of "normal" weight (i.e., "Doctor, have you ever treated anyone else or ever heard of anyone else that is normal weight and has high blood pressure?") If they answer yes (and they always will), ask what the treatment would be for such a person. Then request that you receive that same treatment. Do not wait for your shape and size to change to take care of your body. A diet will only make you larger (and crazier), so the only way out is to take incredible care of you. Also, get the best care. Request to be informed of ALL the treatment options for your condition, and explore them all. In the meantime, follow the path of normalizing your relationship with food, eating and your body. Overcoming Overeating is truly the start down an incredible course of self-discovery and reconnection to the internal wisdom that is present in us all. Q: How do I use the OO approach if I have diabetes? A: Diabetes and Overcoming Overeating by Dana Armstrong, RD, CDE See also the following OO Newsletter Articles: Interview: Health Care Professionals Talk About Overcoming Overeating Nutrition News Doing it My Way     Abbreviations and Symbols we Frequently use:   OO - Overcoming Overeating WWSHTB - "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" (also referred to as "Washtub"!) BBT - Bad Body Thought BBF - Bad Body Fever MH - Mouth Hunger SH - Stomach Hunger EPF - Eating past full DF - Demand feeding   Slogans: All Food is Created Equal! Notice, not Judge It's Okay! Who Says? My Weight is not my Business!   Next Page: OO Newsletter Archives