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TOPIC: Reaching out..

Reaching out.. 06 Jan 2012 12:45 #58

  • dixie46
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I am new and have read overcoming overeating and I was blown away by how I am so not alone anymore. I am normal weight and have struggled with rules of food and poor body image all my life. I also have struggled with a night time eating disorder since my early twenties. I am now 47 and it has got me to a point that I just do not know how to control getting up three to four times every night to eat... Its painful and frustrating. I am having a hard time with letting go of the scales, I am crying as I write, I have never posted anything online until this very moment. I have decided that reaching out just may be my answer. I would appreciate any feedback on this. I am trying to get legal with food and writing a list.
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Re: Reaching out.. 06 Jan 2012 13:45 #60

  • Earthgrrl64
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Hi there,

Good for you for reaching out! You are not alone at all!

Everyone has a different journey in this recovery. Try to be gentle and take it a step at a time. You are brave to reach out. It can and does get better.

I know that I do these behaviours because I know of no other way to cope. Learning new skills takes time. My motto is no matter how screwed up I think I am, I still am worthy of this recovery and showing up, telling the truth and doing what ever I can in the interest of my well being, what ever that is at the time.

It is a process, like life. Everyone, if they are honest has something they are dealing with and growing with. This just happens to be mine. What is hard is accepting that I have this. I want it to be over and done with already! Some people have different paces of growth. No one is better than anyone else, I have to keep reminding myself. It is hard to keep that in mind, luckily, I have friends who remind me. What would I do without them?

I am 47 too! I will be 48 in March. Been in recovery for many years. I guess I am like the tortoise, not the hare!

I hope you feel good about the step you took I reaching out. Take care~
Last Edit: 06 Jan 2012 13:48 by Earthgrrl64. Reason: Typo
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Re: Reaching out.. 06 Jan 2012 14:03 #61

  • dixie46
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Thank you for the kind words... I have been in recovery for alcoholism and am 4 years clean :) I do know this is just another aspect of my addictive behavior that has to be addressed, I am ready to fight the demons and find out more about my caregiver, she is in there because she has helped find men and women with the same dis ease.. I sponsor lots of women and have learned to that we all have things we need to clear up. I am so glad I found this site and hope to keep in touch with you as well. I am not quite 47 yet! ha ha... Jan.23rd. There is alot of life to live and we deserve some inner peace and joy. Best of luck to you and hope to continue reading your post. Dixie
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Re: Reaching out.. 06 Jan 2012 19:30 #62

  • Ginabean
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Hi Dixie,
How wonderful that you have reached out. No, it is not easy, but being at the point where you are is a good thing 'cause you want change. You are no longer willing to stay stuck. I am focusing on demand feeding, hearing my bad body thoughts and allowing my inner caretaker to emerge. One message that came to me loud and clear today is the need for self-acceptance,even if I am not comfortable with how I look. This hit me today when I decided to buy myself a box of chocolates, but told the woman helping me that it was for a friend.
I have been hoping for more action on this forum because I need the support therefore, I hope you keep coming back here.
Gina
P.S. I took my scale to the dump. I have not missed it. Sometimes when I am somewhere that has one, I'll take all my clothes off and hop on. The last time I did this I was pleasantly surprised at how much weight I lost. I immediately went to the dessert table(I was at a party) and began a month long binge!
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Re: Reaching out.. 08 Jan 2012 06:41 #67

  • dixie46
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I am doing ok.. I already want to start a diet.. I keep rolling around that if I just diet all will be ok. I am still trying to grasp that all food is ok.. That is one of the toughest things as well as those scales. I am really going to just take those things and go to the dumpster. Its like giving up a part of my life. I have got weighed every day since I was in my twenties! It makes me sad and I just realized it.
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Re: Reaching out.. 08 Jan 2012 13:21 #71

  • Earthgrrl64
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Of course you want to diet, that is the " addiction" if you will.

It takes another type of surrender, which as you know as a recovering alcoholic, is not to be forced. Step one cannot be controlled.

I for one am powerless over my compulsion to obsess on food, my body, controlling food. My higher self knows what to eat, but as long as I am messing around with control, I am back in the cycle.

Breathing and asking my Higher self to help me relax and trust my body, that helps so much. I trust you, one who made my wise body. Help me feed myself, not deprive, help me be willing to feel, help me not judge myself.

This work is for the brave. With cultural messages yelling at us constantly to be thin, don't eat this , eat that, go on this diet, blah blah blah. Doctors and health experts preaching about obesity epidemics and dieting is the answer or even surgery now. it is a wonder anyone can get any sanity with food and body. But, it is possible and I for one am not giving up on me or my sisters in recovery.

Blessings to you-
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The following user(s) said Thank You: jackibar

Re: Reaching out.. 08 Jan 2012 14:22 #74

  • Ginabean
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Well said Earthgrrl. I have always had a difficult time accepting that I am powerless over my addictions. I like what you said about your higher self (which is the inner caretaker) and " messing around with control".
Dixie, thank you for sharing that you are a recovering alcoholic, it gives me the courage to open up about my marijuana addiction. I am 8 1/2 months clean. Interestingly enough, I thought my food addiction would disappear once I quit pot. I figured if the munchies were gone that would be the end of it. Of course I turned to food long before pot. I remember being 11 years old when an incident happened that I could not handle emotionally, I hid in a friends kitchen eating one cookie after another, scared to death that someone would walk in and catch me in the act.
I am also struggling with that voice that tells me to go on a cleanse, lose weight, feel better than start the OO approach. Of course I know in my heart that this is my addiction speaking.
Gina
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Re: Reaching out.. 12 Jan 2012 15:31 #82

  • dixie46
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It has been a few days since I posted and I am doing quite well... I have been using my HP and focusing on step one. I am really noticing how often I think about a diet, a cleanse, or all protein no carbs, weight watchers, HCG... The list is endless. Like my alcohol addiction, I remember thinking, "I never have to feel that way again". I was thinking today that I never have to diet again and boy I felt quite empty for a moment. My entire life has been surrounded by depriving myself and overeating to fix the deprivation. Rollercoaster ride is coming to an end. I am already noticing a difference at the grocery store. All areas are now open for me to roam,I spent alot of time their today.I feel some relief for the first time ever!!!
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Re: Reaching out.. 24 Jan 2012 14:28 #92

  • jackibar
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GOOD for you, Dixie!! You're getting it! You're beginning to experience the real FREEDOM that this approach brings! :cheer:

Wanted to wish you a belated happy birthday yesterday(!) - and thank you for sharing here and being so open. It's so helpful for all the rest of us...

That "urge" to jump back into a diet of some kind can be very strong. The diets give us a "high" in a way - a false feeling of being back in control. But it doesn't last for long because we can't LIVE on a diet! TRUST your body - trust this process. You'll get there!
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