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TOPIC: Caretaking

Caretaking 08 Jan 2012 13:25 #72

  • marys1987777
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I am having real resistance to living the OO program. It is as if I am incapable of taking care of myself. I know that this is the best thing for me but I continue to sabatoge myself by only doing so much of the program. I am willing to try and eat only from sh but don't want to do a food bag, stock ups on ffs, mirror work (this one I really don't want to do) - what is it that keeps me from caring for myself? HELP! Is there someway to get beyond this obstacle so I can have the peace with food that I deserve and need. Also, I am finding myself using OO as a diet (if that makes sense) like beating myself up for not doing the whole program exactly right.
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Re: Caretaking 08 Jan 2012 14:07 #73

From my experience, everything you say was and is sometimes true for me. I hope it helps to know you are not alone in what you are experiencing. Not wanting to take care of my self is a life long problem. I still find it hard to think I need a food bag. At this time in my life, I am not working, so I take some sort of snack food at all times, when I leave the house for any reason. Even if I am going to a group where we share lunch! I find if I do not, I am panicky. This came after many years of practice. A food bag to me is basic to the self care habit. If I don't think I deserve to eat, I don't think I deserve anything else.
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Re: Caretaking 08 Jan 2012 14:42 #75

  • Ginabean
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Hi Mary,
I can so relate. Yesterday I was really struggling with this issue. I picked up WWSHTB, went to the index and found Internal Caretaking. What I read on page 204 under "Wishing for an outside caretaker" blew me away! I realized that because I was neglected as a baby and child, I have always wanted someone to take care of me. Even though I prove over and over that I don't need anyone's help, don't ask for help, over do for others, never putting myself first, deep down inside I want someone to take care of me. This way I don't have to take the responsibility and can continue resenting the fact that I must in order to heal.
Gina
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Re: Caretaking 08 Jan 2012 15:47 #76

Yes, I feel exactly the same! I have figured out that I need to take care of my self. Some days are a lot easier than others! I may be 68, but I still want my mommy who just wasn't able to do the best job. I am not angry with her any more. As I remember from the OO workshops, I need to be my own best mommy.
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